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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Day With My SLPs

Top Ten Things to NOT do if you suddenly decide to invite yourself to friends' houses the day after a holiday when they have a house full of kids on Easter break amped up on sugar and feel like a train just came through their house in the form of a family celebration:

This day we chose to visit my SLPs, which means some of my friends from St. Landry Parish where I worked before moving.

10.  BRING THE DOG.
This may result in the dog deciding to immediately poop in dear friend's yard directly under tree house where your child is playing.  Your child will quickly step in poop with brand new Easter shoe causing you and your dear friend to worry about cleaning poop for about 20 minutes.

9.  BRING THE DOG.
He may chase dear friend's neighbor, neighbor's dog, and SLEMCO man.

8.  BRING THE DOG.
He may run into your friend's house over and over again because he thinks he belongs in everyone's house.

7.  BRING THE DOG.
He may lurk around the table where children are eating lunch causing the entire group to eventually relocate for fear of losing pizza and breadsticks.

6.  BRING THE DOG.
He may scare the dickens out of other dear friend's FOUR children, causing them to run and hide indoors, keeping you and your sweet children outside of the house while screaming in unison, "Why are you here??  What do you want?!?"

5.  BRING THE DOG.
He may sit outside of the door in the backyard you've just placed him in, barking non-stop, even jumping on the door at certain points.

4.  BRING THE CHILDREN.
They may accuse your dear friends' children of not playing fair, keeping gumballs from them, make a mess, and fake injuries for affect.  They may also fight with each other to the point of utter embarrassment.  In this case, firmly clench teeth and give long "mom stare" promising to deal with this when you return home.  This strategy may or may not work for you, but it is all I could come up with.

3.  BRING THE FAMILY DRAMA QUEEN.
Your sweet four-year-old will prove to all the drama queen that she really is under this type of pressure.  She will fight with everyone involved and cry to get her way no matter what goods and riches you promise her.  She will disrupt many conversations with these complaints, return to the kid area, start another argument, and immediately return to you.  This cycle is never ending.  For dealing with this type of behavior, see #4.



2.  BRING THE DOG.
Your dear friend's sweet, curly haired two-year-old may or may not find the dog's leash and chew on it endlessly.  Hide all evidence of this ever happening.

1.  BRING THE DOG.
He may chase your dear friend's cat, causing the feline to run straight up the screened porch to a height no one thought possible.  Feline will eventually come down only to run straight back up each and every time your dog enters through the doggy door placed in both front doors.


Lesson:  Leave Pepper at home when making surprise visits to long lost friends.

~ACZ